To the Editor:
Re “The Joy of Breaking Up With an Abusive Parent,” by Eamon Dolan (Opinion visitor essay, March 9):
I’m a Catholic deacon and a pediatric registered nurse. I’ve seen a variety of the ache youngsters endure by the hands of their mother and father. At instances, it’s mother and father’ ignorance or poor selections that end in hurt to their little one. However too typically it’s willful neglect or energetic abuse. I’m an advocate for the precedence of oldsters over the lives of their youngsters, however there isn’t any hiding the truth that nearly all of bodily, emotional, sexual and non secular abuse happens throughout the confines of the household.
Individuals have a proper to be protected. Youngsters have a proper to be protected. Individuals have a proper to disassociate themselves from anybody who’s inflicting them hurt — bodily, emotional, sexual or non secular.
Mr. Dolan ought to really feel no disgrace in estranging himself from his abusive mom. She is the rationale for his or her estrangement, not he. Youngsters typically really feel that they deserve the harm they endure, as a result of adults train them this. It’s uncommon, certainly, for adults to come back to phrases with the truth that they don’t seem to be the reason for the harm they suffered as youngsters — or as adults, for that matter.
The one who has been harm can forgive, however that’s not the identical as reconciliation. Reconciliation requires quite a lot of work to regain the belief that was misplaced. Maybe Mr. Dolan will sometime select to hope and work towards that, even whereas he retains himself protected.
Bob Hunt
Knoxville, Tenn.
To the Editor:
I’m dismayed by the visitor essay by Eamon Dolan celebrating the breakdown in communication amongst members of the family. I personally know three households the place this has occurred and have been in contact with the mother and father and the youngsters concerned. In all circumstances, they expertise nice remorse and regret. The ache on each side has been immense.
I definitely haven’t seen the exhilaration or aid that the writer suggests. What I’ve seen is a breakup of fine households over points that would probably be resolved with effort, and it’s definitely value it to strive.
Richard J. Gonzalez
Evanston, In poor health.
To the Editor:
Though it has been a long time since my mom handed away and the trauma has been handled by way of years of remedy, Eamon Dolan’s essay jogs my memory of the significance of bringing the topic to gentle. Severing the ties with abusive family members can carry peace, rebirth and freedom.
I come from a Hispanic household of eight youngsters and two mother and father, the place close-knit household bonds are assumed and anticipated. Earlier than and after I minimize ties with my mom, I used to be surrounded by ladies who bragged endlessly about their closeness to their moms. I remained silent as a result of I had one benefit they didn’t have after my mom handed on. When she died, I felt no ache on the loss. Nothing.
I had way back accepted that it was not within the playing cards for me to have had such an in depth relationship, and it was OK. I’ve moved on. I’m now not frightened of her, and the nightmares are gone. I don’t hate my mom. What sadly occurred between us spared me from the deep ache normally felt upon dropping a mother or father. I don’t imagine that was her intent, however I’m grateful for the result.
Teri Granillo
Chula Vista, Calif.
Detaining Mahmoud Khalil
To the Editor:
As a Jewish alumnus of Columbia College’s College of Worldwide and Public Affairs, the graduate college that Mahmoud Khalil attended, and the stepfather of a first-year Barnard School scholar, I’m horrified by the unconstitutional mistreatment of Mr. Khalil.
If he had expressed pro-Israeli views, the Trump administration would have lauded him; for defending a Palestinian perspective, Mr. Khalil faces deportation.
Time for Columbia to face by its motto: “In lumine tuo videbimus lumen,” translated from the Latin as “In your gentle we’ll see the sunshine.”
Let the leaders on the college rebuff President Trump’s blackmail, again Mr. Khalil and set a vibrant instance of standing up towards bigots and without spending a dime speech that my stepdaughter and people removed from campus will acknowledge and rally to assist.
Mark S. Sternman
Somerville, Mass.
Trump’s ‘Nice’ America
To the Editor:
It’s rapidly turning into clear that what President Trump means by “nice” could be very a lot a mirrored image of who he’s: self-centered to the purpose of narcissism, having the facility to harm others, illiberal, grasping and shallow.
The U.S. has definitely all the time had a bent towards these qualities, however that’s not what has made our nation nice. Our true greatness has come from our dedication to work collectively to protect freedom, human rights and a society based mostly on mutual respect.
We’re at risk of dropping that core imaginative and prescient. Now could be the time for our leaders to recollect what does make us nice, and start to say “no” to Mr. Trump’s try and remake our nation in his picture.
Richard Kunz
Newark, Del.
